I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
