ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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