I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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