she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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