I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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