Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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