I have demons in me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
