Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
