she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Congratulations! We have a period
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