She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
