I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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