Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
