4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
youre lurking in front of me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
