We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
