I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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