so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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