My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
