i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
