This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
