And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
