Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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