Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
