Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
