Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
a search helicopter?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
