this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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