if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
