so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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