goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
