babies were throwing up all over the place
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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