FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
