i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
