so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
