talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
