my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
