Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
