White coat. Heels.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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