I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
