evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
