I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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