I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...