She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.