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Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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