Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
