Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
