My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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