Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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