once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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