is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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