we're blogging at a bar
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
