sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
