You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
