He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
