he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
