My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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