he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
