She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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