The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
