Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
