i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's shark week go big or go home
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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