if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
