What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
