wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
A+ Viking dick
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
