I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love having hate sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
