Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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